Sunday was my birthday. Anyone who knows me knows I love a celebration. I love presents. I love parties. I LOVE cake. I love the way a celebratory spirit can brighten up a day and make it special. I especially like celebrations that are for me. I know vain right?
So in the midst of celebrating the beginning of my 26th year, between the shopping and the eating, I took some time to evaluate year 25. This past year has been one of the hardest for me. From personal sickness to death in the family to ministry heartaches to career stress and all the way back to personal sickness again, this rollercoaster year has brought many hardships. However, in the midst of tracking those hardships I was reminded also of the memories of joy and love that were perfectly woven in the midst. From seeing the gospel come to life in lives to falling deeper in love with my husband to the gentle care of friends and family in my darkest hours, the Lord wove moments of compassion and encouragement into a season of trial. Throughout this season of trial, in between moments of joy, have been great lessons learned (some still in the process of being learned). Those lessons are the subject of this post.
So here goes, lessons learned in year 25:
1. Being an adult is hard, may I say sometimes it even sucks.
As a youth pastor’s wife we tell our students constantly that “choices have consequences” and although I firmly believe this to be true for teenagers this is also a weighty truth for adults. When things are hard, you have to make choices. When you are tired, you have to make choices. When you just want to eat chocolate, you have to make choices. There are no days off. I miss the days of being able to fake sick and skip school to avoid that problem that was hovering there but was gone by the next day. I miss the days of leaning completely on my parents to make financial decisions and provisions for the daily bread. (thanks for that mom and dad). This year I felt the weight of important life decisions my husband and I had to make (and are still making).
2. Even if you stand alone, fight the battle.
This statement applies to multiple things I faced this past year but I will share just one. Almost exactly a year ago I noticed feelings of fatigue and sickness and a lot of days of not being myself. It took multiple doctors, multiple tests, and multiple strike outs to finally figure out what was wrong with me. There were moments where I felt all alone in this battle against my body and I think there were moments when those around me thought I was crazy and making it all up, I know I thought that some days. But deep down I knew something was wrong and I knew I had to fight to help others see it to. Later in the year this sickness manifested itself in panic attacks and extreme anxiety. Again, I was standing in the midst of a battle fighting for supporters and understanding. Through the power of Christ alone, we have to fight those battles. When no one else will stand but the spirit within you is urging you to fight for what is right, you must.
3. Laughter means so much more in the dark.
My husband loves to joke in the midst of sad and uncomfortable situations. Most of the time this drives me crazy, however, I learned this year that laughter in the darkness is worth so much more than laughter in the sunshine. That moment of releasing tension and pressure through a hearty laugh is the best medicine for a sorrowful soul.
4. Love grows in friction.
Speaking of my husband J I thought I loved him when I married him (and of course I did) but O Man do I love him now! The day to day of fighting battles and make grown up choices has the power to knit two hearts together so strong. As hard as my year has been, so has his. In the moments when he would have had every right to shake his fist and give up, he showed grace and compassion. Our trials created friction and that friction produced a stronger intimacy.
5. Life is too short for perfectionism.
For those of you who have walked with me in this season you know how hugely ironic and powerful that statement is coming from me. This lesson definitely fits into the “still working on it” category. I am a perfectionist to the max but this year the Lord was so gracious through both tender and extremely painful moments to show my imperfections. The revelation of those helped me to lean deeper into Him who is the giver of all good things and the sustainer of all creation. My need for control and perfection in my own attempts was set up on a pedestal I had created in life. This idol all dusted and polished for all to see and admire. All this mindset gave was anxiety and half-truths. There is power and rest in leaning into the One is greater and He is made great in my weakness. So I am hoping in year 26 to boast in that weakness quite often.
6. I need a hobby.
I thought I would end with one that is a bit more light hearted but completely true nevertheless. I have no hobby. Through multiple conversations this year this truth has been made very apparent to me. All work and no play makes Lindsey a dull, not happy, no fun girl. So I am open to suggestions!
What lessons are you learning? I would love to know.
Side note: maybe blog posts in year 26 will come with more pictures and less words, but I kind of doubt it
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